Thursday, December 22, 2011

Am I crazy or Just emtional?

OK guys this is going to be quite short & sweet. Today has been a hard day, I woke up in a gloomy mood, I've felt down and sad all day, and I just don't feel great. So as I have been on the couch/ floor trying to entertain my almost 3yr old something really make me cry. I typically am not one to be on a holier than thou pedi-stool, but as we were playing with a train, a commercial came on the TV about Santa. Payten quickly turns to me and as innocent as can be asked, " Mommy is it Christmas yet, cuz i want some presents?"  Now for the entire month we've talked to her about Jesus, his birth, a manger, the star significance, and even santa not bringing gifts.... We've really tried to put in emphasis on what Christmas really is about, not gifts from Santa and presents under the tree. So as my innocent 3 yr looked at me truely wanting it to be Chirstmas to have presents, it broke my heart.  As a child I loved Christmas. I loved the time of year and the way that people truely enjoyed the wonderful spirit of it all. But now that I have a child, ( especailly one that is born 2days before Christmas) I really dont want to get caught up in the whole Christmas = Presents and loose the true meaning. As I think about all the people I've talked to in the last week, everyone is caught up in finishing Christmas shopping, and who did I forget , or I really dont know what to give them.  So as I sit here contemplating everything, I ask is it wrong if we don't have the Typical Christmas this year? We have her presents, but would I be a horrible mom if for the FIRST Christmas that she really is conscious about what is going on around her, we wake up Christmas morning, have a nice breakfast, go to church and spend the entire day present free, and more focused on family and unity and Christ? We can always open presents a few days or even a week later. I mean they aren't going anywhere. So to all my friends I ask... Does this make sense, am i going crazy, or am i emotional cuz im prego, Or hell even both! I guess in a final thought, What is the best way to teach my child that CHRISTmas is about the birth of Christ! Its about the wonder gift that he gave us... His life, and Even his death was the greatest gift. And for my brother (I TRUELY LOVE YOU but i think your scrugeness is rubbing off on me) .. who might read this and be rolling his eyes, and thinking OH LORD here she goes holier than thou  OR ANYONE READING THIS I ask if you dont believe that Christmas is about Christ... Than why celebrate it. Do yourself a favor and dont stress about present shopping and the stores being packed with people, and every other non-related things that has turned into Christmas. SO let me know what you guys think, I know she's three, and I might be over thinking this. But im a FIRM believer that what i teach her now she'll have with her for the rest of her life. 
Hope it was just enough 

Monday, September 12, 2011


So Let me start out with a preface:

Heavenly Father Knows best:
Ok everyone... Let be real... We all love our kids.. In one way or another they make us laugh, cry, happy, frustrated, make us wonder why in the world we decided to even have kids ( or at least mine does) , or as i like to call it... Make us have a CHARLOTTE Moment! But even after all that.. at the end of the night when they are fast asleep not moving, or asking a million questions... I cant help but think that Heavenly Father knew/ knows bests in what and who he decided to send to my family! So today along with those thoughts I've had an epiphany! No matter the size, look, attitude, mental capacity, or psychical limitations. I PANKS will take who ever the lord sees fit to send me! Cuz seriously what choice to I have... What am i going to say ~ Sorry this one ears are too big, or Sorry this one has a uni-brow, or ever better, Lord please take it back this one screams too much!!!! ~  So with that said... I want to show you something! 

My beautiful baby Boy!!!! 

So for all those who have been wondering... Or all those who have asked and I have ignored! I Panks and my family are happy to announce that we are ready for our BABY BOY to grace us with his presences! He is officially due Febuaray 2, 2012! HOWEVER, I as well as my dr, FULLY expect to see him sometime mid January, 2012. 

With all of that said.... Let me just say this once... I AM very grateful to have the opportunity to have a child, let alone another.. butI am still human and can still have these thoughts! 

1) I have a nursery in my house. It is just the right size for a nursery... only problem is that currently it is painted an awkward share of peptol bismal PINK! Lord only knows how many coats of paint Im gonna have to slap on the wall to get rid of it! Im currently thinking ill paint it green, so with the kids to come I will never EVER have to paint it again. ( I know sounds lazy huh?  LOL lets just call it FRUGAL... paint is expensive!)

2) What in lords name and I going to do with the 9 boxes of girl clothes I have in the attic... Not to mention the 7 my sister has in hers! I guess ill have to work on that as soon as I can cuz whose clothes are NOT going to waste!!!! 

3) I decided to go to Carters and look at boy clothes.. and by the looks of it, He is going to walk around naked! I love fusia, yellow, greens, Flowers and Bows for goodness sake! Not trains, Boats, or planes! 


4) How in the world and I suppose to clean his parts! Look I am a WOMAN... I am as much WOMAN as you are gonna get! I only know how to clean my own part! Lets hope in the process of learning, That i dont get Pee in my mouth! LOL

So now that I have that off my chest... I want you all to know :
                 I will love him, care for him, and who knows i might even dress him up in girl cloths ( its not like he will know the difference!) But at the end of the day I will always tell him... You is Kind, You is Loved, and You is important! Because he will be mine.. An extension of B and Me and at the end of the day... HEAVENLY FATHER KNOWS BEST!  

Hope it was just ENOUGH

PS enjoy this clip.. This isnt a Charlotte moment However this was the after math! And I know im not the only one that has had theses thoughts. And if you say I am I won't believe you. But just So you know... If you ever need  to DRINK... I have plenty of chocolate milk ( or if its really bad ) we can go out for a cup of coffee or ice cream!   

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Its been kinda long!

Its the begining of September and I find myself thinking that I've had so much to blog but very little to actually do it.. SO this one is going to be a wrap up of the IMPORTANT things that have happened in the last month or so! 
# 1~ There is only one thing so dont hold your breath!



Brandon and I got sealed this month. It was a bittersweet thing actually. One that really to this day Im not sure if i should laugh or cry about!  It was such an ordeal that just thinking about it gives me heart palatations! Between telling important people and trying to keep it a secret,  finding Payten a white dress that didnt have the Virgin Mary or Crosses on it then, her cutting sleeves in one that finally worked, it just turned into a feasco! The day of the sealing turned out to quite nice ... For a bit... one of those "quite before the storm" type of things.  But once inside the temple it was nice to see the people that literally mean the WORLD to Brandon and I. A few couldn't make it but i know they were there in spirit and i know that if they could, they would have come and to you guys i tell you I LOVE YOU! 

The Actual Sealing.

I cant tell you a lot about it Cuz to be honest i was a bit DISTRACTED! There were so many things going on in my head that i couldn't for the life of me concentrate on what he was saying!  I think he was talking about the history of the church and the covanats we make, and why we make them. But like i said that's a guess, cuz all i could think was ~PLEASE LORD MOVE THIS ALONG I'M NOT SURE HOW MUCH MORE I CAN TAKE OF THIS!~ So if you want the specifics ask someone else that was there cuz i dont know! ( Is that bad to say?) 

Afterwards & Afterthoughts

I'm super excited that now when i tell Brandon ~ Buck it up buddy your stuck with me forever ~ Its actually true! I really love him and have for a very long time and 4 years ago when we got married i knew that one day this day would come and im happy that it finally did. I loved seeing Payten in the temple with her little white dress. Now that is a thing i will never never forget! That image is forever engraved in my heart! 
When brandon and i got home that night he asked me ~ So do you feel any different ~ my response ~ No not really am i suppose to? Now if you die tomorrow or in the near future heck yeah ill feel different, but for now your just the same old brandon and im the same old lorena.~  So now to you all i ask is that wrong? The way i look at it is we have been married 4 years now its just forever. It doesn't (at least in my mind) make the last four years mean any less or the years to come mean any more. We are married and We love each other and now we just cant get rid of each other. ( See i told you guys i was blunt and will say whatever im thinking!) 

Over-all I'm happy its done and that i dont have to worry about it anymore. Now i know that if we die i'll for sure see brandon and payten again oneday! And that friends is the best feeling in the world! 

Here are a few pictures that a very important person took. Girly i love you with all my heart... you are like family to me... and the day wouldn't have been the same without you! I'll never be able to tell you how much it meant to have you and C.H. there. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry!
Love you!!!! 

Hope you guys enjoyed the post. Hope it wasn't too much panks

PS if you wants copies of the pics let me know cuz they are copied-righted!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Just Enough of ME

Hey guys its me Lorena Or for those i love and hold dear Panks.
I thought i'd give this a chance. I always have something to say, whether important or just important to me... somehow someway it always makes someone laugh!  Check in periodically and see what will come out of my mouth next!